| Cheese is great....
Cheese is FUCKING great...
=)
k love you buh bye! =)
-Edsel |
| |
| God has a path for everyone I guess....
Dude, the last few days have been freakin awesome!
Thnx hon! I love you!!
peace.
-Edsel |
| |
| Searching for the Exit...
Im on my own searching for the exit
through locked doors
and unpaved walkways
Collapsing corridors
and dimly lit hallways
Lights off
dreams flashing in my eyes
blinfolded by uncertainty
slowed by hestitant thoughts
and feeling my way through a visionless sleep
Waking only to the sound
of an empty wisper
locked in circles
cold sweat streams down my cheeks
as fear encompasses my head
and wraps me motionless
spiraling
winding
neverending
condescending
Walking an uncertain path
I twist and turn...
trapped inside my own failures...
I am searching for the exit...
-Edsel |
| |
| 3 days....
Thnx for the encouraging words stacy.... =) you rule!!
Today was a good day....the sun FINALLY came out...after a two week hiatus....you know what that means....B-E-A-C-H !! Biatch!! haha It was freakin awesome...the waves were beautiful...the water was perfect....the sun was out....
It was definately refreshing....
I know its totally cliche...but...
Its wierd how just after you fall...and the sky is grey with clouds..the sun is always bound to come out...I dunno...Im taking it as a sign of good things to come...esp in 3 days =)
much love.
-Edsel |
| |
| FUCK THE REAL WORLD....
Today I found out that I probably and most likely didnt get the goddamn county job that I wanted....FUCK them....It just means I've gotta put myself together and decide where to go from here....
Its so fucking hard....here I am graduated from college thinking just how easy itd be to find a job....only for everyone to turn me down because of lack of experience...and lack of knowledege....youd think a college degree would be enough....yeah fucking enough to wipe my ass with....
I fucking graduated thinking that those skills...that knowledge would be enough...nope....you graduate at the the top of the world...only to sink back to the bottom of some corporate ladder....just becoming another person that NO ONE wants to hire....
fuck that shit....
Today I started looking more into grad school....the engineering in training exam....some semblance of a future...
I called my dad....and oh my fucking god it was so hard just to tell him I was thinking about going back to school....I felt like a failure....I felt so fucking ashamed to tell him that my college degree didnt mean shit in this bullshit world....I tried so hard not to cry....but i couldnt tell if he could hear me sniffling and shit.....Im just tired of this shit....I dont want to feel like Im doing nothing for my family but sapping away resources my family doesnt have.....my fucking brothers are going to school next year....and with me doing nothing its like all I am is just another expense....
Im so fucking frustrated.....but being me I only want to come out on top of this..... of course you have to fall to climb to the top....maybe the county isnt where im supposed to be....maybe san diegos not where Im supposed to be....I dont know....and thats the thing that pisses me off the most...the only thing I know is that Im so goddamn determined to show the REAL WORLD who I am....If I have to do so much more shit that It make companies drool over me....then fuck it thats what ill do.....
no more fun and games I guess....
time to get serious and put my fucking life together....
FUCK YOU REAL WORLD, I dont wanna take your shit anymore....
much love,
-Edsel |
| |
